When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
