this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
