i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
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