just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
