last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
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