It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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