I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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