I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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