Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My dick has a subreddit
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
