I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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