i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
