dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
