This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
