I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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