On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
