u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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