why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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