ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
