the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
