you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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