My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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