I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I am naked and annoyed.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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