you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My day in three words: secret purse cake
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
