ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
