dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
