Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i've created a new STD.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
