So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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