$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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