i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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