Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
