so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
