If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
