you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
