Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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