I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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