Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
