Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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