Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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