Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
