so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
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dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
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My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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