Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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