FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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