I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
