I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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