Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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