ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Drunk is not a location!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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