take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize