His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
