It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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