Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
