I want to stick my p in your. b.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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