She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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