girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.