is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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