Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
