She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
