We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
