my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
4 words: hood of his car
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
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Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
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Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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