Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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