im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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