Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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