I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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