I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
