Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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