Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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