if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The air was thick with penises
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
