I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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