She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
