A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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