i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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