I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
