apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
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She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
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I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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