1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
