Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
