I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My liver just had a heart attack.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
