my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
