mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
one two three fourrrrnication!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Oh god it's open bar.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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