I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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