Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
