Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
